MURMUR OF CONVERSATION
BICYCLE BELL
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HORSE WHICKERS
BIRD CRIES
BED SPRINGS SQUEAKING
MOANING
HORSE WHINNIES
Thank you.
CROW CAWS
Ah! What ho. Long time no pray, I'm afraid.
Always good to see you, Sir Freddy.
Ah! You know the girls, don't you?
Delighted to see you all, m'ladies.
So, you put in a good word for me upstairs, eh?
Come along, my girls.
Mes belles, come on!
Inspector Barnaby on a case, is he?
Oh - yes. He's very busy.
Come on. Chop-chop. There we go.
All righty?
Nice to see you all!
DOOR SLAMS, HORN BLARES
It's Mr Toad. Sir Freddy Butler,
and all his wives.
HORN BLARES
CRICKET ON TV
How much alimony does he pay?
God knows!
It must be millions. Neither of his exes remarried.
Morning, you two. How was the church?
Guess who was there? The vicar.
Freddy Butler, and ALL his wives.
Mm. Sounds dangerous.
He summoned his entire family to Haddington.
Yeah, the village is buzzing.
And we're going to be there this afternoon.
But it's the cricket! Why? What are we going for?
The Haddington Open Day.
You know, funny vegetables, home-made jam.
That's probably why he invited the family down.
Oh, don't be silly.
Maybe he's found the legendary Haddington emeralds.
Do they actually exist? No, that's why they're legendary.
Raffle tickets! Raffle tickets, anyone?
No-one gets away without a ticket. Great prizes!
Raffle tickets! Come on, don't be shy!
Raffle tickets? Want a raffle ticket?
(SIGHS) I'll do it.
Raffle tickets. Raffle tickets!
Come on, where are you? Raffle tickets!
You see, this particular bush grew from a cutting
my brother Teddy nicked from the Huntingdon estate, years ago.
And why is it so glorious?
Because Amos here keeps its feet dry, don't you, Amos?
See, camellias have shallow roots, so don't go drowning the buggers.
Oh, excuse me.
Rozzers are here!
Barnaby! Irish stew!
Irish stew in the name of the law! Ha ha! Freddy.
Don't worry, darling. He's not after your stash. Ha, ha.
Know the current missus, don't you? Lady Tara.
This is our son, Mickey.
Actually, it's Michael. Michael.
And, ah, my brother, Teddy. Teddy.
Come and meet the rest of the coven. They're all here this weekend.
Is this a special occasion? Oh, rather. Three-line whip!
What ho, girls!
Lucinda, Bel - meet my favourite copper, Sherlock Barnaby.
Barnaby - wives numbers one and two.
Both surplus to requirements now, but still awfully good blokes.
Mr Barnaby. Lady Annabel.
Just Lucinda. I was never a lady. A terrible old tart.
Where's your current squeeze? Uh...over there.
Bit young for you, isn't he? Naff off, Freddy.
Well, I'm going to the tea tent.
Do try and behave, Freddy. Hmm.
Bella's the only decent one of the whole pack.
Tara's neurotic,
and my children all sit around waiting for me to pop my clogs.
And my youngest, Michael, la-bas, calls me vulgar.
As for my son and heir...
..dreadful drip. Wears cologne.
Is that his wife?
Don't.
I mean, I'm not a snob, Barnaby, but LOOK at her.
Like finding a hippo in your carp pond.
Come on, everyone. Gather round.
Ha, ha. That's it.
Come on. Good, good, good, good. Thank you.
Well!
It's been another huge success today.
The only thing that remains to do is to announce the winner
of the Monster Vegetable competition.
And the winner is...yes,
for the seventh year in a row -
my own dear brother, Teddy!
APPLAUSE
Wave to the mob, Teddy.
(SIGHS) God, Tara's a cow.
No room at the Hall? Huh. My arse.
Probably better for us, actually. She's still a cow.
So you never actually saw this desk in all your years at Haddington?
No.
But it's definitely Freddy's mother's handwriting.
And I did find it in one of her old hatboxes, so it must be legit.
Well, the desk is French, mid-18th century,
probably Louis XV.
"Follow your nose 'til you find the little rose."
Of course...
..it COULD be...in the smoking room. That's been shut up for years.
Or maybe Freddy's found the emeralds himself,
and that's what he's about to tell us.
Hm. I'll kill him. (CHUCKLES)
He's probably just thought of some new way of humiliating me.
They all laugh at me.
NQOC.
(POSHLY) "Not quite our class." That's what they say.
Of course they don't.
Even the servants think I'm rubbish.
We'd better go down. We have to have sex.
What? I'm ovulating.
D'you want a son or not?
I think we could probably have dinner first.
Look - I've got to go. It's dinner at the Hall.
Freddy's having one of his do's.
But I'll, um, pop in again later.
All right?
Come along, Teddy. Ah!
I might just go via the smoking room...desk hunting.
Good idea. You can get in round the side.
D'you know why he's got them all here, Mum?
Hm. Haven't a clue, my darlin'.
Maybe he's found the emeralds. Then he should give 'em to you.
In my dreams.
THUD
FOX CRIES
What IS Sandra wearing?
Don't be mean, darling.
Why are we here, Freddy? You mean, on this planet?
Ha! For dinner?
"I'm 'Enery the Eighth, I am, I am..." (CHUCKLES)
Oho! Chopping their heads off, eh? FOX CRIES
Since the ban, they've become so much more brazen.
Sandra's upset. No-one's talking to her.
What am I supposed to do about it? You are the hostess.
I'm also your stepmother, but I ain't gonna wipe your bottom.
(SNIFFS)
BUZZ OF CONVERSATION
Ah! OK, Harriet.
Let's see the beast.
Come on, woman.
Oh, yummy.
For heaven's sake, Freddy, it's July!
Bugger the month. I like venison.
Amos, come on. Splosh the plonk.
They're going to need it.
(GULPS)
(BURPS)
Ah... (BURPS)
Right! Well, hush up, everyone!
Freddy's in the chair.
Very fine dinner, Harriet. Very fine indeed.
(BURPS) Excuse me.
Where was I?
You had something to tell us.
I haven't found the Haddington loot, if that's what you think.
I've...I've brought you all here today because um...
I've... There's something that concerns you all...because...
Are you all right?
Of course I am! It's just a silly little...
DISTANT FOX CRY
Well, get on with it, then.
(MUMBLES)
FOX CRIES OUT
STARTLED GASPS
Freddy?
Come on, Freddy. Stop mucking about!
So what killed him? Gluttony.
He had late-onset diabetes, high blood pressure
and arteries like old drains.
I'd say his coronary was about two years overdue.
No sign of anything...untoward? Bit of arsenic.
Ah! No "Ah". It's diabetes treatment.
In the correct doses, arsenic's very good for you.
Natural causes, Tom.
Makes a change for Midsomer, but there you go.
You can't have everything.
BELL RINGS
Why are we hand-delivering an autopsy?
It's just courtesy.
BIRD CHATTERS
Yes? Good morning, ma'am.
I'm Detective Chief Inspector Barnaby,
and this is Detective Constable Jones, Causton CID.
Can we speak to Lady Butler, please?
You are speaking to Lady Butler. Lady Sandra Butler.
Oh, I'm sorry. I meant Lady Tara Butler.
Tara, Lady Butler.
I beg your pardon?
When a baronet dies, his widow, the dowager,
changes the position of her first name in the title.
So, Lady Tara becomes Tara, Lady. Do come in.
You get that?
Tara's in the morning room, down there on the right.
Thank you, Lady Sandra.
I won't be long.
(KNOCKS)
You may await your superior in the staff sitting-room.
Ah, I'm fine here, thank you.
I would prefer it. There are a lot of valuable items hereabouts.
Through there.
Oh, this is ridiculous.
Your pathologist's a fool!
Freddy was murdered.
Why? Why do you say that?
Oh, for God's sake -
he was about to make some big-deal statement,
gets everyone here and then just dies?
I mean, likely?
Well, it is possible.
Have you any idea what Sir Freddy was about to reveal?
No.
No clue?
I just said, no. Yet you still think
it might be something important enough to be murdered for?
Yes!
Have you done a lot of this sort of thing?
What sort of thing is that?
Police work.
Yes. Yes,
I have done a fair bit, thank you...Michael.
Hello?
Who are you, then?
I'm Detective Constable Jones.
Lady Sandra told me to, ah...
Use the tradesmen's entrance? Sort of, yeah.
Too many Butlers spoil the broth.
Sorry?
We now have four Lady Butlers on the premises.
Two exes, a widow and - And a big tart.
I swear, if that women gives me one more hoity-toity order,
I'll slap her from here to Christmas.
I'll be off now, darling. Mm-hm.
I'll see you later.
And try not to be too upset, all right?
Officer.
I'm sorry about Sir Freddy.
How long have you worked here?
I don't. I just help out when Mum's got a big do on.
I have the bookshop in the high street.
So, is there anything I should be asking you?
Interesting clan. They're all a bit sus.
Lady Lucinda's bloke, a Simon Oliver,
was searching the place the other night.
Was he? Yes, so Jenny tells me.
Jenny? Jenny Down. The cook's daughter.
So where's our new Lady Butler?
She'll be here in a minute.
And, if you treat her appropriately...
I would be most grateful.
I heard a really weird noise outside last night.
Did you, darling? It was a sort of howling.
Do you think it was Father's ghost? Michael!
God, you're a prat. Sorry.
And um...talking about the will... Which we aren't.
But when, um...
Henry York will read it two days after the funeral.
What do we all get?
Darling, PLEASE. It's what we're all thinking.
No, we aren't. I am.
Sandra.
Soup?
You're sitting in Richard's place.
I beg your pardon?
Richard is now fifth baronet,
so HE sits at the head of the table,
and I, as his wife and consort, sit opposite him.
(GIGGLES)
Sandra, maybe this - Be quiet, Dickie.
"Be quiet, Dickie"!
I'm staying right where I am.
I don't think so.
Sandra. You are, of course, absolutely correct
in your understanding of the etiquette involved here.
But maybe, as Tara is a recent widow,
we all ought to maintain the status quo
till after the funeral.
LAUGHTER
Stop that. It's very cruel.
FOX CRIES
(SIGHS) Stupid bloody woman.
(SIGHS) Only a mother of Freddy's could be such a pain.
Bingo.
Fantastic!
Right.
BOTH: "Follow your nose 'til you find the little rose."
"Follow your nose 'til you find the little rose."
P27, L6, W3?
What's that mean?
"Finding it hard? well, take a look
At the book of poems by Rupert..."
It doesn't even rhyme.
You have to provide the rhyme.
"Find it hard? well, take a look
At the book of poems by Rupert..."
Brooke!
BIRDSONG
Well, Mr Aubergine.
You're a bit of a back-of-the-class boy, aren't you?
Look at all your chums!
Going ahead by leaps and bounds.
Well, don't you worry.
TLC. Teddy's Loving Care.
Bad tummy? Bad feeling.
It's fine. I've had the lab reports on Freddy Butler.
Enough cholesterol to kill a horse, but no known poisons.
What about unknown? There aren't any!
Well, how do you know, if they're unknown?
Tom! He died of natural causes. You have to accept that,
and you'll feel better. See you later.
Tom! You can't ask me questions like that.
I can, can't I, Henry, surely? I mean, this is not official.
We just happen to be chatting, and I just wondered
if you had any worries about Freddy's death?
Not at all. Why should I?
What about his will? What about it?
Well, who collects?
Hm, hm, hm!
Freddy Butler was my last client.
When I closed his file, I retired. I'm not going to cock it up, am I?
There will be a reading of the will after the funeral, not before.
Any surprises?
Go away, Tom. Don't be such a terrier.
Henry...thank you.
We'll miss you. Thank you.
What's the first one? Page 27, line 6, word 3.
I mean, we all remember Lucinda, don't we?
Boozing for the world eleven.
Poetry was hardly her thing, was it? Which poet was it?
Brooke, Rupert. Collected Works.
"If I should die, think only this of me
There is some corner of a foreign field
That is forever England."
Page 43, line 8, word 7.
Children. So what have we got?
Nose, destined, eyes, rose, children.
Doesn't make sense.
We've got the wrong edition.
Freddy's mum must have been referring
to a specific volume of Brooke, one that she had at the Hall.
I'm sorry to interrupt. Can I help?
I'm Detective Chief Inspector Barnaby, Causton CID.
We met, up at the Hall. Of course.
May I?
I was up at the Hall again today. Lady Tara seems to think
someone may have had a grudge against Sir Freddy.
What do you think of that?
Well, he was a total bastard.
I mean, look at the way he dumped me,
just cos I couldn't give him a spare.
Spare?
He had Richard with Annabel - the heir.
But when I didn't produce the spare,
he dumped me for Tara, his little coquette.
She, of course, being a farm animal, dropped one in no time.
And, ah...what about you, sir?
Me, sir, what?
I was wondering if you'd lost something up at the Hall?
The night Freddy died, I gather you were looking for something.
Oh! Right. A compulsion, I'm afraid.
I deal in antiques.
Everywhere I go, I have to check out the furniture.
So.
Do you enjoy living here? I do.
You don't find it too much for you? I mean, you are getting on a bit.
This is very true.
So, Dickie and I were wondering if it was a bit of a strain on you.
Not at all.
You haven't considered sheltered housing, then?
It's just that...
my husband and I were thinking,
Haddington would make a good convention centre,
and the estate houses would be - Sandra?
Freddy said this cottage was mine for as long as I wanted it.
Only when I die does it revert to the estate.
Yeah, well.
Freddy's dead now.
Now it's all down to Dickie.
And me.
Jenny? That's me.
Could we have a chat?
Fire away.
Inside?
What do you want? Well, I was um...
wondering if Jenny wanted to be friends with Dickie,
like she used to be.
I mean, now I'll be taking over the Hall, I thought maybe -
Oof! Bloody hell!
You silly little man. What?
You had your chance, years ago. I was here for you.
You could have had everything, but you turned your back on me.
It was Father.
I told him I loved you and he went ballistic.
Liar. I did!
He said I couldn't be consorting with the...
illegitimate daughter of the cook.
Freddy would never have said that about me.
He loved me. He did. I promise.
But he approved of that - that thing, that Sandra joke?
I wasn't good enough for him, but she was? No!
Oh... I don't know.
She just seemed to talk to Father, and I was...sort of married.
You're pathetic. And I really, honest to God, hate you.
So just get out. Go on!
DISTANT SIREN
Here we go. 1972, Lucinda Stanton-Harcourt,
daughter of Colonel and Mrs Stanton-Harcourt.
Whoo, she was quite tasty.
Wasn't she just?
Terrible what 30 years of fags and booze can do, isn't it?
What puzzles me is what she's doing with Simon Oliver.
He must at least a dozen years younger.
Toy boy? Hm.
And gold digger. But she's got no gold.
PHONE RINGS Run a few checks.
Barnaby.
Oh?
Right. We'll be right over.
I just went out for lunch, and came back and found it like this.
Probably someone who knew my daily routine.
Thanks, Henry. That cuts it down.
I can't think what they were after. All these files are dead now.
Except for Freddy Butler's.
The will, Henry. Right...
Are you getting the print team up?
Yeah.
Gone.
Sorry? Does that mean there is no will?
Oh, no, no! What if there'd been a fire?
For important documents, I have signed copies at home.
So whoever stole it,
it doesn't change anything? No, not at all.
Hello?
What's been happening here?
Well, actually - Someone trying to...
steal something, to sell.
Probably local lads.
Can I help? No, it's fine.
Did you want me for something?
I wondered if you'd say a few words at the funeral...
..you and Freddy being so close.
Hello! Oh, hi.
Coffee? Ah!
I was actually born at the Hall.
Thanks.
And your dad worked there too?
I don't know who my dad was. Mum won't say.
"It's the shame, darlin', it's the shame."
Not that it worried me.
Freddy was like a dad to me. He gave me everything.
He sent me to uni,
and when I was 25 he gave me enough money to open this place.
I'm in my school shooting team.
We came fourth in the Ashburton at Bisley.
Well, this isn't some old army rifle.
This...
is a Mannlicher 22.250.
Cool.
Now, show me how you hold it.
Lord save us.
Tuck it into your shoulder more.
Lean into it.
Weight forward.
Hm. Near enough.
So?
Where do we practise?
Hm.
CREAKING
Taught Sir Freddy, Mr Teddy and Master Richard how to shoot in here.
I like the eyes.
The eyes.
They're the most important thing.
See?
They all reflect white.
Like diamonds.
All except the fox.
What colour's that? Green. Right.
Because of the chemical makeup of the fox's eye,
he always reflects green.
So if it ain't green... you don't shoot.
What did I say?
If it isn't green, one doesn't shoot.
Hm.
Not unless you want to knock off Hatty's cat.
(CHUCKLES) Or a goat.
Or worst of all...
Excellent!
Time for this old tart's bed. Mm.
I might just go for a walk. Clear the head.
Okey-dokey. See you later.
FOX CRIES
RATTLING
Mummy! Mummy?
DISTANT BARKING
And no talking after lights out.
Night-night.
FOX CRIES
ENGINE IDLES
LIQUID SPLASHING IN CONTAINER
LOCK CLICKS SHUT
(GASPS)
(COUGHS)
(CHOKES)
(SCREAMS)
SHUTTER CLICKS
(COUGHS)
Definitely arson. Traces of paraffin all over the place,
and the remains of an old heater.
I bet you this ties up with the death of Freddy Butler.
You'd be very upset if it didn't.
Indeed I would. Sir!
Something with wide tyres parked here.
The tracks are quite distinct,
so it must have been after last night's rain.
A tractor, maybe?
No, they're not deep enough.
Anyone for raffle tickets?
No one gets through without a raffle ticket!
Ah! It's a quad bike.
I saw your Jenny on one of those. She's not my -
Somewhere in that mess was the last will and testament of Freddy Butler.
So what happens now? What happens now?
We arrest whoever pops up with the previous will.
Which they won't, if they've got any sense.
We've got to squeeze 'em till the pips squeak.
I'll take the bike trail.
You start on the family.
Why don't you try that nice Lady Sandra first?
Thanks.
It's not mine. I can hardly ride a pushbike.
It belongs to the estate. I was just posing on it.
Posing? Freddy's Brigitte Bardot fantasy.
Scantily-clad girls on motorbikes.
Selling raffle tickets? Hm! He was a funny man.
Were you very close?
I wasn't his mistress.
I wasn't suggesting you were.
Sorry.
The gossip machine round here makes you a bit oversensitive.
I was either his mistress or his daughter -
but I wasn't either.
He was just a very generous man.
Kind. No strings.
I'm not talking to you!
Lady Butler - I do not talk to assistants.
Ask your superior officer to ring and make an appointment.
It's an all-purpose vehicle, really. Anyone can use it.
And the keys are kept there.
But where are they now?
ENGINE APPROACHING Just coming, I reckon.
ENGINE IDLES
I won! I won again!
I won again. I won.
Would you get off that thing, please?
Are you talking to me? Indeed I am, Michael.
Get off. Is there a problem, Mr Barnaby?
The problem - last night, your family solicitor
was burned to death by someone riding a quad bike.
Oh, God.
Were you riding this machine through the village last night?
Of course he wasn't! He can only ride it on the estate.
He was at home, here.
And you? Where were you? With him.
We were in the library until late. Then we went to bed.
And what were you doing in the library until late?
Playing backgammon. And discussing family matters.
Which wouldn't be any of your concern.
I'm going to impound this machine for forensic tests.
Don't touch it.
Where were you last night? Where were you?
Yes? I was looking for Lady Butler.
Could you be more specific?
Lady Sandra Butler.
I believe I heard tortured vowels coming from the kitchen.
Bye-bye.
HATTY: I beg your pardon?
When Sir Richard and I take up residence here,
there will be a general staff review.
Review? Oh, you mean sackings?
You want me to go down the London tabloids
with your dirty linen in my old kitbag?
You will not talk to me like that.
I just did, darlin'.
DOOR SLAMS
I've told you... No, no, no, I'm sorry.
It's not the way it works, I'm afraid.
If there's been a murder, and you don't cooperate, I take you down to the station.
Is that clear?
Are you all right?
Just the thought of being in this place makes me feel sick.
The smart remarks...
..the smirks when I use the wrong fork,
or say lounge instead of drawing room.
I swore that when Freddy died and Dickie took over, I'd get my own back.
Could be Lady Muck with bells on.
And they still laugh at me.
So...
what do you want to know?
Where were you between the hours of ten and two last night?
Dickie and me watched telly till...
ten.
Then I wanted to have sex, but he went off
to talk to his dead dad or something stupid.
Do you know anything about the provisions of your father's will?
He showed it to me a year or so ago.
Do you have a copy?
Uh, yeah, somewhere. In town.
Do you mind telling me where you were round about 11:30 last night?
I watched television with my wife in our bedroom until half-ten.
And then?
I, um...
I went to bed in my father's dressing room.
Why did you do that?
I felt closer to him sleeping in here.
He was such a presence in life that I feel he is still here in death.
Is that silly?
No, that's not silly. Quite common.
No-one wants to let go.
He was a much bigger man than I'll ever be.
Not just physically, but in everything he did.
Went up the Amazon, drove racing cars.
Painted, lectured.
I haven't really done anything.
He won that for racing across the Sahara.
Hmm.
Thank you. Thank you, Sir Richard.
I'll keep you informed.
I was only born to run things here at Haddington.
That's all we are - caretakers.
We don't own these places.
They own us.
Thank you.
I was listening to the radio until almost midnight.
Then Teddy dropped by for cocoa and a chat.
At midnight?
Teddy's not very good on time.
Isn't this cheating?
No, all serious marrow men use growth enhancers.
Does it affect the taste?
Oh, yes. You wouldn't want to eat them.
So, you were in here until late last night, were you?
Trying to instil a sense of self-worth into my aubergines.
Lady Annabel says you dropped in on her for a cocoa round about midnight.
Oh, really?
Well, if Annabel says it, it must be true.
Well, don't you remember yourself?
Yesterday is another country, Mr Barnaby.
Borders are now closed.
The Brooke volume isn't in the Haddington library.
I've been through all the old inventories.
It was there ten years ago, but not now.
So, where did it go?
Which little trollop had her 21st birthday ten years ago?
Who? Jenny.
Then she opened her bookshop.
Guess where she nicked half her stock from.
Mr Brown?
There you are.
A word, please.
We found some yellow clay in the treads of the quad bike,
and I'm told it comes from this side of the estate.
Yeah, I often use the bike to come home.
Saves a good walk.
And last night?
I fancied the walk,
so I left it in the yard.
Have you got any idea, any idea at all,
why Sir Freddy called together all his family?
Who knows? Maybe he found the Haddington emeralds.
Do you think they really exist? No.
Sir Freddy thought they did. Obsessed, he was.
Always had us searching the place, high and low.
And every year he had a new theory about where they might be.
We didn't find them, and I never will now.
Why do you say that?
Got my notice, haven't I.
Lady Sandra wants my cottage for executives.
Whatever they are.
SALSA MUSIC PLAYS
Salsa! You can't move for salsa these days.
Thanks.
Ben?
We're a man short. I was wondering if you'd partner me.
Ah...
No, no, no, sorry.
FOX CRIES
There's one.
Hold your fire.
I got it. What did I tell you?
What? About the eyes.
If it isn't green, don't shoot. And were they green?
They bloody weren't.
It's not funny.
Good shot, though.
LAUGHTER AND SALSA MUSIC
Think we'll try again tomorrow night?
We'll see, won't we?
I think that's exactly what we'll do.
So, where did you learn to dance like that?
Hendon Police College. Really?
No, I was joking.
It's hard to tell with you.
Thanks for stepping in. No problem.
Bye. See you.
My door's open!
There's no sign of force.
Everything seems to be here.
I don't get it.
Maybe you just forgot to lock it.
Never have before.
Will you stay for a while?
I'll, uh, tell the patrol to come around.
Page 43...
Line eight, word seven... Place.
So, what have we got?
On...the wall...
see your face.
Behind your face a secret place.
On the wall, see your face. Behind your face, a secret place.
What does that mean?
You really are refreshingly thick sometimes.
It's a reference to somewhere at Haddington.
And I'm gonna go and find it.
Now?
Yes. Good night, dear. I'll see you later.
Mummy?
I've been hunting for foxes, and...
Night night.
Don't let the bugs bite.
RATTLING
GUNSHOT
Look at this, George. What am I looking at?
Looking at the angle.
Or rather, the lack of it.
Now, if Lady Sandra was what? 5ft 6,
and you say the bullet wasn't deflected,
but went straight through, front to back...
It did.
Then either the shooter was 20ft tall,
or else was shooting from a considerable distance.
So, what does that prove? The killer was a damn good shot.
According to Joe here, it's a 22.250.
Any registered round here?
You keep the key to your gun cabinet in a drawer in the kitchen?
Here.
Like that's not the first place that someone would look?
Yes, sir, it's my fault entirely.
OK, thank you, Mr Brown. That's it.
Really?
Yes, really.
One moment, Mr Brown. Could I have a word, sir?
Yes.
I know I'm new to this, sir, but...
well, his gun, no alibi,
Lady Sandra was going to kick him out of his home -
Let your fox run free today, and you can hunt him again tomorrow.
My wife did have the ability to alienate nearly everyone she met.
In fact, sometimes I would like to have murdered her myself.
Does that sound awful?
Under the circumstances, yes. I'm sorry.
I can't pretend any more.
I suppose you were asleep alone in here last night, yes?
Yes. You didn't even hear the shot?
Heavy sleeper.
What are you doing now?
My father's gone, his spirit has moved on - I can feel it -
so I'm clearing out the...all this.
Excuse me.
So, where were you last night?
I was in my room from ten.
I had a headache.
And I was with her. We watched television.
Did you hear the shot?
I took a pill.
I was listening to music on my headphones.
While watching television?
Yes, it makes for an interesting sound and vision juxtaposition.
Mummy still has her headache, so I think that will be all for now.
Baby oil. Makes them look so luscious.
Look, Teddy, please - the rifle, the rifle.
Please concentrate.
Oh, sorry. No, never even held one.
I mean, you can't love nature,
and then embrace something that would destroy it, can you?
Amos says that when you were a young man, he taught you to shoot.
Oh, yes. When Teddy was a young man, he did all those things.
But as we go through a complete molecular change every seven years,
that Teddy isn't this Teddy.
No.
Ah, Sammy. This file you sent my DC - subject Simon Oliver...
Yes, never charged, but name came up
in a couple of fraud cases 15 years ago.
Look, one of his named associates was a Miss Barrington-Guest.
Have you got her first name?
Tara.
Are you sure?
You're enjoying this, aren't you?
Boys' Own adventure. Do girls get a look-in?
On the wall, see your face...
Behind your face, a secret place.
I found this last night.
Priests' hole. Yeah.
I don't think there'll be priests.
Good luck.
No.
That was before my time, I'm afraid.
So...
What do you know about Lady Sandra that was worth selling to the tabloids?
Who said that I knew anything? You did.
I overheard you the day she was threatening to fire you.
Cheeky beggar!
Well, if you must know, her Ladyship was a tart.
Sandra used to sell her favours for cash
until she realised marriage was more profitable.
And how do you know this?
Freddy was one of her clients.
You're kidding.
Not at all.
Sandra had him by the sweetbreads.
I was coming up from the vegetable garden one day,
and I heard them having a nice little chat.
I know what you think I am, Freddy,
and now I'm gonna be one of the family.
No.
Freddy, do you really want the whole county
knowing your funny little ways?
I'm marrying Richard, and you're gonna give us your blessing. Understood?
You may think you know what you're doing, but...
believe me, you'll live to regret it.
What did he mean by that?
He knew the family would make her life a misery.
They seem very easy-going,
but if you get too familiar, they'll cut your skin off.
LUCINDA: Oh, my God! Help, somebody!
Oh, my God, quick.
He went down there.
Then there was this big crashing noise, and he...
Oh, please, do something.
Call the emergency services.
OK. Hurry, please.
(GRUNTS)
Everything's OK. Just try and keep still.
Let's get you out of here.
(COUGHS)
All right?
Well done, well done.
(COUGHS)
Don't talk, darling. Just breathe.
Did he have anything with him?
Sorry?
Aren't you going to go with him?
What was all that about?
Oh, boy...
I owe you half an apology.
You found needle marks.
No. Freddy still died of natural causes.
But I discovered he had scrotal hyperplasia
coupled with blockages in the seminal vessels.
Come again?
Freddy Butler couldn't have fathered children. His nuts were raisins.
So, what are Richard and Michael? Scotch mist?
Don't shoot the messenger.
This hardly seems an appropriate moment to bring up such a matter.
Yes, I am sorry, but I do have a killer to apprehend.
I think that overrides the niceties of protocol.
And your assumption is extraordinarily impertinent.
But it is correct.
I KNOW it is correct.
God, how tiresome.
All right. It wasn't me.
I had myself examined.
I was of sound breeding stock, as my father would have said.
So, I assumed it was Freddy who had the problem.
So, you...
Yes, all right!
I took certain steps to ensure the line.
Without Freddy's knowledge?
Mr Barnaby, please try not to be quite so middle class.
Most of the better English families breed out now and then.
Just as well. Without new blood, they'd all have been ga-ga generations ago.
So, who was Richard's father?
Totally immaterial.
May I be the judge of that? No.
And now, if you'll excuse me,
I would like to spend a few minutes alone with Freddy.
Hey? Hey, you.
I want you to move all this - Lady Tara?
Wait.
Are you having a party? Yes.
Isn't today the day of the funeral?
Yes. Did you want something? Yes, yes, yes.
I wanted to talk to you about your son Michael.
What about him?
Who's his father?
It wasn't Sir Freddy, was it?
Of course it was.
I have evidence that would indicate otherwise.
Well, it's wrong.
Sir Freddy was NOT Michael's father.
Look - Please, can we not waste time?
Oi!
OK.
All right.
When I got married, I might have been just a teensy bit pregnant.
Freddy was fine with it. You mean you told him?
Don't be daft. He didn't know, so he was fine with it.
So, who actually was Michael's father?
What does it matter?
It was just some guy.
Rather a tasty plumber, if you must know.
So, what's the big deal?
Mummy?
A plumber?
Darling...
Jeweller is absolutely sure is he?
100 per cent. 100 per cent...
This should be very interesting.
Freddy was firing blanks?
You mean Annabel and Tara were...
Cor...
I thought I was the slapper around here.
Ah, Mr Oliver. Fit and well, are we?
Never mind me, mate. I want to have a word with chummy here.
Thanks for saving my life. Don't mention it, sir.
Now give me back what you nicked off me.
I may have been knocked out down there, but I didn't lose my memory.
My memory of finding a small wooden box.
Ah, you must mean the Haddington emeralds. sir.
Mmm...
You've got them? Jones?
Oh!
That's really them!
(LAUGHS)
Antigua here we come.
Careful you don't drop them. They shatter.
Emeralds don't shatter, darling.
Glass does.
Glass?
These aren't glass.
These are the Haddington emeralds.
(GASPS)
I'll see you two later. Jones.
You stupid bloody cow.
I nearly died.
It's not my fault. Not your fault?!
Who told me to go down - You insisted on...
Only to find some glass! The Haddington glass!
Sad. It's tragic.
Very sad. Very tragic.
"Do not stand at my grave and weep,
I am not there,
I do not sleep.
I am a thousand winds that blow,
I am the diamond glint on snow,
I am the sunlight on ripened grain,
I am the gentle autumn rain.
When you awaken in the morning's hush
I am the swift, uplifting rush
of quiet birds in circled flight.
I am the soft stars that shine at night.
Do not stand at my grave and cry,
I am not there,
I did not die."
BAGPIPES
I got Jenny to identify most of them.
That's Annabel,
Teddy, Freddy, and she didn't know who the third man was.
That's Annabel again.
Never mind about her - look at the cottage.
Yep. It's my cottage.
So? So, what's Lady Annabel doing there?
Her estate. She could do what she liked.
Did you take that photo?
When she was using my place, she always told me to make myself scarce.
Come on, Amos, don't give me that. People like you and Hatty -
you always know what's going on.
Oh, no, sir, we always respect our betters.
Don't we?
Freddy made this a year ago,
after the quacks first told him
that he had a heart like an old inner tube.
Well, if you're watching this, then I suppose I'm not, um...
I must be...
It'll be the old ticker giving out. (CHUCKLES)
Bummer, eh? Still, stuff happens.
I don't want a lot of long faces mooning around the place.
Tara, I hope you got a party going.
Oh, yes, Freddy.
Good,
because I want you to celebrate my life,
which was an absolute blast.
So, raise a few glasses to me, because I'll be up here in the rafters watching you.
Toodle-pip.
ELECTRIC GUITAR PLAYS
ROCK MUSIC DROWNS SPEECH
Oh... What are you doing here?
Just my job, Teddy.
Look.
Oh, yes, I remember that summer.
Bel pregnant, me and...Freddy.
All so young.
Who's the third man?
Uh...
What do you think?
I think that that is Henry York. Oh, yes.
And I think that he was the real father of Richard.
Because Lady Annabel believes in new blood.
I think that's very clever of you.
When did you first learn the truth?
Freddy told me a few months ago.
Then he said he was going to leave everything to me.
He also left you a signed copy of the new will, didn't he?
He wasn't as daft as he looked.
Not the only one.
I should have got it earlier. Oh, I'm sure, sir.
This is it.
It's from Henry York.
"Dear Freddy,
I've just been told I have but a few months to live,
so there are certain matters that I need to discuss regarding your affairs
and mine too, come to that.
Could we meet next Thursday? Henry York."
When Henry discovered that he was about to die,
he wanted to do so with a clear conscience,
so he told Freddy that he was Richard's real father.
So, where does that leave us?
Studying country law, Jones. That's where that leaves us.
Which dictates not only the behaviour of the animals, but also of the people.
Can you be a bit less obscure, sir?
I thought you were the country boy.
Listen - get yourself down to Forensics.
See if you can borrow something that looks like a real murder weapon, OK?
ROCK MUSIC BLASTS
(SHOUTS OVER MUSIC) What now?
I believe that the murderer - What?!
Shut...up!
Shut up!
What?
Go away.
Go on. All of you. Get out.
This is a funeral, for goodness' sake.
Go on. Thank you.
I was hoping that you'd tell me where you were - where you REALLY were -
the other night, the night that Sandra was killed.
I was here.
I don't think so.
It was me.
What was you, Michael?
I killed Sandra.
Michael...
And why... Why would you do that?
Because she was ghastly, and...
and I'm an awfully good shot.
A very good try, Michael, but you don't need to protect your mother.
Just because she lied about her whereabouts doesn't mean necessarily
that she was out somewhere shooting somebody.
It probably means that she was meeting her lover.
A lover?
What a naughty girl. Who is it?
Well, actually,
it's your friend Mr Oliver.
You?
I believe that Tara and Simon, they go back a long, long way.
You were an item 15 years ago, weren't you?
Round about the time that Tara married Sir Freddy,
not to mention Michael's birth.
What?
Nothing, darling.
But the plumber...
But then you discovered that your predecessor Lucinda
was hot on the trail of the emeralds.
So you get old flame Simon to latch on to Lucinda,
see if he can get his hands on the jewels.
Am I right?
Spot on.
What were you going to do if you found them?
Do a bunk, of course.
Taz had had enough of Freddy.
But you needed a few quid to set up together.
These are expensive women.
Thank you.
Still...
doesn't give me a motive for murdering anyone.
Motive. Now, what is a motive? Round about here, everybody has a motive.
Don't they, Amos?
Sandra was about to chuck you out of your cottage.
And you owned the murder weapon.
Or maybe the motive was jealousy.
What do you think, Jenny?
Jenny who was dumped by Richard...
..let down by Sir Freddy,
and ousted by Sandra.
Revenge.
That's a nice motive too, isn't it?
But you, Richard,
you stood to lose most of all, didn't you,
because if Sir Freddy died without genuine issue,
then the whole estate would go...
..to Teddy.
Which gives Teddy a motive, doesn't it?
Serious gain, eh, Teddy?
Oh, absolutely.
Teddy in the library with the candlestick.
And when Teddy died, who then would inherit the estate?
Why, his child, of course.
What child?
You swore you'd never - I didn't, Hatty.
He worked it out. He's awfully smart.
You talk to me of motives. You take your pick. Got hundreds here.
Mr Barnaby, would you mind cutting the theatrics, and get to the point, please?
Sir.
If you'll excuse me, ladies and gentlemen.
You took your time.
So, why did we do that?
Why?
Stick your ferret down the hole, see what comes running out.
Right, you stay here.
I'll take the terrace.
FOX CRIES
DOOR OPENS
Not leaving us, are you?
Just taking a breath of air. I see.
They're everywhere those foxes, aren't they?
Ruthless creatures.
The vixen abandons her young as soon as she can -
couldn't care less whether they live or die.
Not like us, eh?
We'll protect our offspring to the death.
A somewhat macabre analysis, but basically correct.
Is that why you killed Henry York?
To protect your son?
I'm not sure I follow you, Mr Barnaby.
Let me outline a little scenario for you.
A couple of months ago, your solicitor told Freddy
that he, Henry, is actually the father of your son Richard.
Thank you.
So, Freddy says, "If that is so, I'll leave everything to Michael."
Freddy...
you're sterile.
Tara? She knew that having children was part of the deal,
so...so she made sure she did.
The line, Bella, the family, the blood.
What of it?
It runs through Teddy now, doesn't it?
So, Freddy went and changed his will, left it all to Teddy.
Leaving your son Richard way out in the cold.
But then, suddenly, out of the blue, Sir Freddy ups and dies,
and you see your opportunity, don't you?
You find the new will.
Later, while we're investigating the break-in...
Does that mean there is no will?
Oh, no. What if there was a fire?
For important documents, I keep signed copies at home.
So, whoever stole it doesn't change anything.
Not at all.
So you had to destroy the copy as well.
You park carefully so as not to wake Henry.
See, it had to be someone who knew Henry well enough
to know he had a store of paraffin on the premises.
I believe you really hated Henry York, didn't you,
for betraying your mutual secret.
But he wasn't going to do it again, was he?
Quite fascinating, Mr Barnaby.
But of course you don't have a shred of evidence for your colourful theories.
And as for that cheap trick with the fake rifle,
well...it was laughable.
So, if you'll excuse me.
Lady Annabel, how did you know that the rifle wasn't the real one?
Now that I know I'm right,
perhaps you could save us the trouble of a search
by handing over the real murder weapon...
complete with your fingerprints.
Lady Annabel, until I get it,
of course there will be leaks, exposures,
disclosures.
Tabloid press crawling all over Haddington,
family name dragged face-down through the mud.
It could be very long, very gruesome.
Under my bed.
Habit of a lifetime.
Thank you.
You'll find cooperation works both ways.
What about Sandra?
What do you think? Ghastly creature, quite beyond the pale.
If I was going to make it right for Richard, I thought I might as well
go the whole hog and put her down before she had a chance to breed.
Then we could have found him a decent girl from a decent family,
and things would have been as they should be.
And of course, you're a crack shot?
I was brought up in Kenya.
It was during the Mau Mau rebellion. I slept with a rifle by my bed.
Yes, I am very good shot.
Shall we go?
Are those leaves beginning to turn already?
I probably won't see any more summers in Haddington.
No.
You haven't asked me about Freddy's death.
That was natural causes.
Yes.
Yes, of course it was.
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